Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
