Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
