you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
