Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
