what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
