If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
