just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
birth control should be required to get into college
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I need a burrito and a hug.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
