So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
