I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
