I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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