he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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