Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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