dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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