everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
