It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
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