I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date