youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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