dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
