I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
