You're completely useless in the revolution.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
