who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
