Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
