So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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