dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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