Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
