I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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