Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
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I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
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Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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