How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
