I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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