Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
