420 ftw
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
