Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
