my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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