you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
