I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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