you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
