So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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