i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
