you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
