peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just found puke in my bra..
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
