So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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