I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
