Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
