my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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