Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
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you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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