dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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