I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
