I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
