i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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