I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
