Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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