I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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