Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize