Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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