is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
