you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
