does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
