Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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