I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
