girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
