i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
