After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
