I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
