what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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