Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
