I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
