Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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