at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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